i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
