Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
