Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
