would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
