I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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