Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You smell like a Billy Joel song
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
