the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
