Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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