I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How's work?
Spinning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
