So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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