you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
