I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
