watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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