I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
