I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
