That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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