He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have already put on my inside pants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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