Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
