I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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