so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up