I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
