Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
