there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
