she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
