i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My life is pants optional.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
