i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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