She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
