Cold hands, warm shart.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
