I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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