tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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