I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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