My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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