Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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