Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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