my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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