I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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