theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
