She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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