My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
