Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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