Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
