can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
