At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
