Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
