so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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