Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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