I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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