kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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