i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
