I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
