i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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