The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
