She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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