what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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