I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
