I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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