Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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