Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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