i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
