fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
