Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
