Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
