its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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