Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
