I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
