I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
