I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
