Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
