so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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