i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
