Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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