bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
