She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
