i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
