just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
