So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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